Sunday, December 25, 2022

Faith No More

 

The time to tell the complete truth has come. I can’t go on keeping up a mask any longer. This is going to be painful for people, but I owe you all the truth. Faith McClosky does not exist. It is a persona that I have used for over 10 years in order to gain acceptance. I am speaking to you now as “J”

So much of Faith is real and authentic, but so much is also fluff and lies meant to protect myself from rejection. When I sat down at a keyboard ten years ago, I felt like I could be anyone. I felt that the real me had no value or relevance, that I would never be accepted. I wanted to be free to express myself, my true self, without fear of rejection. In that moment, Faith McClosky was born. Faith allowed me to be myself, to express myself, to share myself in ways that I felt I couldn’t otherwise to people. For ten years, I have been Faith to the community, pouring myself into Faith and feeling validated sharing myself with the community.

I need to build bridges and mend fences, and I cannot do that anymore based on lies. So Here I am, coming clean.

I will explain my identity as best I can, given that I do not fully understand it myself. When I created Faith, identifying as female online simply felt natural to me. When I sat back and let go, Faith is who I naturally felt like. Over time, people came to accept me as a woman, or as a Transwoman. But I am not a transwoman. I allowed it to go on because I didn’t know how to correct it. Everything became wrapped up in my identity as Faith, and to tell people the truth scared me incredibly. Neither am I just a cis man. There is something more to me, but I don’t know what that is. I’ve tried to explore that online and it has caused much pain and hurt to people that didn’t deserve it. That has to stop.

So much of what people have come to love about me are real and authentic. My love of Battletech. My writing. My passion for social justice. All of that is real. The Faith persona allowed me to share that in a way that I was too frightened to otherwise. But the persona and lies surrounding it have become a burden that has grown heavier, and has hurt people in the process.

I never meant to hurt anyone, but I have to recognize that my actions have hurt people. I can’t go on without doing that. To anyone that I have hurt, know that your pain is valid, and I am truly sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I simply thought so little of myself that I felt I needed to lie.

Matters became further complicated when my writing got noticed by people at CGL. Now my identity was in question and wrapped up in my publication. I blundered through the publication process trying to maintain the secret of my identity and made things worse with my mistakes. I’m sorry for any problems I have caused anyone at CGL on the publication end. I was operating out of ignorance and fear.

I have tried to soften this, to peel away the lies and keep Faith at the core, but I can’t do that anymore. It simply doesn’t work. Faith has to go. I have to be something else. Something that was always there, just with the mask of Faith covering my own insecurities. So going forward, I’m going to be Ace Kaller to the online community. Faith is no more. I am Ace now. Ace is still passionate about Battletech, the community, writing, social justice and everything that you came to know me as, but I can do this now authentically without the façade.

Over the next few days, everything with flow over into this new, authentic identity. Names will change. The person will not. I know many of you will feel hurt. To you, I apologize. I know many of you will be angry. To you, I accept your anger as valid, and if you need to share it with me, feel free to do so. I know many of you will have questions for me. I will do my absolute best to answer these questions for people going forward. There are going to be some things kept private, but I will answer any questions that I can with the truth. If It’s something I can’t reveal, I will simply tell you so.

I hope that after reading all of this, that those of you that I have made an impact on will still accept me. I genuinely value so many people in this community, and I don’t want that to ever stop. I hope that you can forgive me for my insecurities and my hurtful actions. I hope that we can continue our Battletech journey going forward, with the lies and the mask gone.

98 comments:

  1. Congrats, you got an innocent man fired from a 30+ year gig because your feefees where hurt by NON-BATTLETECH book series he wrote. You are a disgrace to the human race.

    But that isn't what irks me so much - it was the fact his employers BELIEVED YOUR RANCID GARBAGE LIES and your clones rabid SJW psychopathic NPCs over the truth and fired him.

    I would say kys, but that would be too much of an improvement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Objectively wrong. As soon as anyone at CGL asked me about my identity, I came clean to them privately for legal reasons. So you're just wrong. But keep trying, friend.

      Delete
    2. I don't care if you used "Santa Claus" as your cover, YOU GOT AN INNOCENT MAN FIRED.

      I hate people like you. Justice will be coming for you.

      Delete
    3. I did not get him fired. And please don't issue threats. The irony is palpable.

      Delete
    4. Pointing out that you can, and absolutely should, get sued for harassment, defamation of character, tortious interference, and a host of other complaints is not a threat. I *HOPE* it's a reality.

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    5. Sorry friend, but the ship has sailed on that and the Commonwealth of Virginia found no prosecutable threats, and in Civil Court the deal was that I agree to a restraining order in exchange for not being sued. These things are public record, my friend. Seethe.

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    6. Public record? Hummm....
      *Google Commonwealth of Virginia vs. Ace Kaller*
      *No results found*
      So you're lying again. This is my shocked face.

      Delete
    7. lol, do you really think I'm using my LEGAL name now???? Also you will never find Virginia v. Me, because THERE WERE NEVER ANY CHARGES. What part of this do you not understand???

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    8. Then it's not "public record" if you keep using a pseudonym, dipshit.

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    9. You really think I'm going to doxx myself with all these right wing assclowns rolling around looking for a piece of my hide because they think I hurt their conservative assclown of a hero figure?

      Delete
    10. Then it's not "public record" if you keep using a pseudonym, dipshit. Clearly, you didn't hear me the first time. Don't you dare say "it's public" then hide behind a pseudonym. It's not public, dipshit.

      Delete
  2. Its shit like this thats the main reason i wont get into new hobbies.
    You fucked up so bad and yet you wanna mend bridges? Reason i got into battletech is because of razorfist.

    Blaine pardoe is an immaculate writer.

    Ive never even heard of you untill you started pulling bitch move an attacked Blaine for a book you never even read.

    Fuck you and your social justice bullshit...battletech doesn't need irl politics in it either.
    Take your toys and fuck off to dc comics or some shit!

    Ill never EVER BUY ANYTHING PUBLISHED BY A "J" OR "FAITH" IN BATTLETECH! YOU AREN'T BATTLETECH!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for making an account specifically for this topic. Your opinion will be considered.

      Delete
    2. Both Blaine and Razorfist suck as human beings. But Ace or Faith or whoever also sucks for lying about their identity. Say what you will about Blaine, they did not hid behind a false name.

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    3. So a good person hiding behind a bad mask is worse than a Bad person hiding behind no mask? That is a strange take on things.

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    4. Blaine is worse, but you are not so virtuous yourself.

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    5. I will agree with that statement. I have made many mistakes and hurt many people. I am trying to fix that and come clean. Blaine has no interest in coming clean or fixing anything.

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    6. Blaine did nothing wrong, you witch hunt faking a-hole.

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    7. Blane provided screen caps that you were lying and making threats you cannont and will not do the same.

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    8. Blaine did nothing of the sort. Blaine posted screencaps of some mean things I said about him to one of his friends, and he spun that into a "threat" because he is a fucking pansy ass Conservative piece of shit with a persecution complex. GTFO with that shit, bro.

      Delete
  3. Also you could tell ppl you're not a woman and you misgendered me but obviously you wanted attention...

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  4. Funny how you waited until the last second when your shekels, money and clout were being threatened before your sorry ass pulled off your mask. I hope your simps are puking on their keyboards realizing they fapped over a mentally ill middle aged man. Your career and bullshit are as dead as Star League, and good fucking riddance. Battletech will endure and return one day, as it always has from shitbag parasites likes you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who says that my money and clout were being threatened? I'm actually at a better financial point now than I was when this all started due to getting my life in order. As for clout, I never had very much, and I likely never will. You give me too much credit. Nothing I did contributed to Blaine's firing. If I had that much power, he would have been fired LONG before he was. He was "fired" for his cringeworthy actions, plain and simple.

      Delete
    2. Still not taking responsibility this whole post is just another woe is me bs line.

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    3. What exactly have I not claimed responsibility for?

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    4. Blaine did all that by himself.

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    5. Bullshit. You are as big a lair as Ace is if you spew this bullshit. Catalyst admitted that Faith was the source of the termination. Stop lying to us.

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    6. No they didn't...quit conflating the two. Blaine got bounced on his ass because CGL was tired of his right wing views plus he attacked Battletech fans that gave his novels bad Amazon reviews.

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    7. "because CGL was tired of his right wing views" - so having a political ideology that matches 70% of the country is grounds for termination? BULLSHIT - you harrassed them until they canned him. STOP LYING TO US, FUCKSTAIN.

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    8. If 70% of the country matched Pardoe's ideology, Trump would still be President. BTW good riddance.

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    9. Good riddance to both Pardoe and Trump ;)

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    10. @Raven: tell that to these people.
      https://images.fastcompany.net/image/upload/w_1280,f_jpg,q_auto,fl_lossy/wp-cms/uploads/2020/11/p-1-try-to-impeach-this-original.gif

      Delete
    11. You realize the blue areas have more people right? All of that red is mostly empty land. If animals could vote, maybe you'd have a point?

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    12. @GMS teelhaven

      If that is true, then explain this???

      https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-elections/president-results

      Delete
    13. Know what's worse than an antisemite? One that's more ignorant than most of them. "Shekels" are money, you freakin' dope. Also, you call others mentally ill while talking about someone's career being as "dead as the Star League"? Seriously? The Star League ain't real, buddy. Like, holy hell, you are pretty far gone, guy. I mean, between your antisemitism and some of your other choice verbiage, I figure the closest thing you have to friends would turn on you in an instant if you disagreed with any of the groupthink. You surround yourself with hate and insecurity, and mislabel it as pride and patriotism. In the end, you are just scared and lonely, and you self-medicate it with rage.

      I'm going to give you the absolute worst insult I have to give: I pity you.

      Delete
  5. Some fences cannot be mended when trust is at a premium.

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  6. As I was personally hurt by having you rile up the community to launch holy crusades used against me, I can't forgive you for that, it takes guts what you did and I can respect that. Actions speak more than words and so far you have taken a small step forward instead of backward. Your pretty much the reason along with you cohorts mob why I got out of Battletech because of the hate you spewed out towards anyone who you didn't like. That's not what a community is about. Like I said takes guts what you did and I admire that but you burned a lot of bridges and its takes actions not words to mend bridges.
    All I can say is good luck as its going to be a huge bridge with actions and not words.

    Oldbob10025
    TheOtterPops

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ?Thank you for your comment, OldBob. To be fair, I never launched a holy crusade against you. I stood against you for your support of Blaine. That will always be the case that I will stand against those who stand with Blaine. He is a terrible person, and until HE comes clean and repents of his ways, I have no interest in mending fences with him. I care more about the innocent people that I hurt than I ever will about Blaine.
      I'm sad that you got out of Battletech. I don't think that was something you had to do, and I think the community would easily accept you back, so long as you distance yourself from Blaine and his cringe beliefs and actions.

      Delete
    2. If you get out of Battletech because of an internet fraud, were you really even a fan?

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    3. I have been playing Battletech for about 30 years. Do you think I am going to let some internet fraud force me to leave it?

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    4. Oh you did with you cohorts in crime but you just don't see it. As far as Blaine I had on my podcast twice I think talking about BattleTech you flipped out and attacked not only the podcast but me personally but you don't see it.

      I only left as there a subsect of small grifter groups in the community that were just nutcases that only saw politics and not the game and cant see the difference. You only fueled the flames of hate towards anyone because you thought everyone was Hitler and went crazy online. As far as the community the ones that blocked me I'm glad as they are not the community and formed their own hate groups but there is a great community of great people that are creating content and being normal human beings whom promote friendship and working together as a whole to lift each other up in a positive manor instead of tearing down people that I'm dam proud to call friends about 85% of the Battletech Community.

      The rest have so much hate in their hearts its not even funny and really sad and I think there is no hope for them but are welcome if they act in a normal friendly manner with out calling everyone Nazi's or what ever the new term is now.

      Its good your taking the first step and improving your self mentally and your online presence, because to be honest it was going down hill very fast, I always said you would be a cool person to hang out and play Battletech with if you only get that chip off your shoulder and I don't hate you and gald your seeking help, to be honest it took guts to do what you did and I can respect that.

      The community doesn't care if you're black/white/green/gay/straight/bi or what ever but just have fun with the game and enjoy it for what it is, A game :P

      Good luck its going to be a long process as you hurt A lot of people with your holy crusades.

      Delete
    5. But to be honest, who was actually hurt by some silly internet drama???

      Delete
    6. Bob, you seem like you were genuinely hurt by what I did. I don't see it, but I don't think you have any ill will in this area, so I am going to apologize to you personally for anything that I did to harm you or your experience in the Battletech community or life in general. It was never my intent, and whatever pain I caused you, I apologize for.

      Delete
    7. @Raven - Blaine did as he lost a near 30 year career because of this fake accusations and a witchhunt.

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    8. James - Blaine got fired because of Blaine, nothing else.

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    9. Ace is right on that one. Blaine got his own self let go.

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    10. Not according to Catalyst. So produce the receipts or gtfo.

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    11. Dude, their statement literally said that I, nor any other fan, had anything to do with it. Literally that was their statement. You are so wrong on all the facts it isn't even funny. Get wrecked, bro.

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    12. "he attacked Battletech fans that gave his novels bad Amazon reviews." - so was it the fans or not? You can't have it both ways, fuckstain. Sounds like your the one who's rekt, dipshit.

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    13. Did you pull that quote out of your ass? And also, funny thing, you will never find me leaving him a bad Amazon review. I don't leave bad reviews on Amazon to CGL products based on the author. I even gave HotW a high rating, even though it was a dumpster fire, because I care about the game and the brand.

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    14. Pulled that out of one your sycophantic followers. So you just give good reviews out of brand(TM) loyalty? You are brainwashed.

      Delete
  7. You are a coward deleting comments that rightfully call you what you are you have ruined battletech over a book you never read by an author who is vastoy superior to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have not deleted a single comment on this blog post.

      Delete
    2. Yes you have just like everything blane said about you being true hell you got your image from a Russian VK model that closed her account a few years back your story was as awful as you are as a person.

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    3. lol what? Bro, the pictures I used were from a friend of mine who actively helped me. GTFO with your bullshit, you don't know jack shit. You're parroting Blaine's lies, and even he couldn't get his shit straight.

      Delete
  8. Degenerates? You're outing yourself as a hater here. Please stop with these "hot takes"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not a hot take if everyone echoes the same sentiment loser.

      Read your comment section lately?

      Delete
    2. Wow, you got 12 or so angry people to agree with you. Great job!

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. Ace is only half as disgusting as Catalyst actually buying this bullsh-t and firing Blaine over this con artist. THAT'S what's pissing me off the most. Haterz gonna hate, that's what they do, but firing Blaine is the *WORST* part of this.

      Delete
    2. Again, Blaine did not get "fired" because of me. The relationship with Catalyst ended because of his actions. Not mine.

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    3. His actions? He wrote a book and filed a restraining order against a psycho? Then told the world about a p.o.s.? Cat and Topps caved to your online psycho horde.

      Delete
  10. To be honest, it was pretty easy to figure out you were not who you said you were, a simple reverse lookup of your picture solved that mystery. I will say I enjoyed your Shrapnel story, but all the lying does not show you to be a good person, even when you were attacking an even worse person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really? That's funny. Because you clearly don't know the origin of the pictures I used.

      Delete
    2. Has anyone posted this to r/Battletech or informed Blaine yet?

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    3. Well I knew they weren't you.

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    4. How did you know that? Enlighten me. You don't know jack shit, bro. GTFO

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    5. Dude I called you out when this whole Blaine Pardoe stuff hit the fan. We actually had Facebook conversations where I told you that you were not who you say you are.

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    6. I know you claimed to not believe me. But you're now going off like you had some irrefutable evidence based on my photos. Which is just objectively wrong, given that I know the origin of my photos and you do not.

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    7. Naw...I've been on the internet long enough to know when something is off.

      Delete
  11. Oh great...now the right-wing internet Battletech chuds are going to have a field day with this. But at least Pardoe is still gone.

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    Replies
    1. And the left wing internet franchise tourist cucks will seethe. Case in point with this post. Also looking forward to Pardoe suing the balls off these cunts.

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    2. He can't because CGL stopped working with him before the whole Faith thing.

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    3. No, it won't. We won't let it go. We will not stop until Blaine is writing for Battletech again.

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    4. That won't happen and thank goodness. You can play his Battletech-ripoff game with aliens.

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  12. You have a diseased mind and a vile soul. I would pray for you, but honestly you're beyond help.

    ReplyDelete
  13. So, the comments aren't going to plan, huh?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8MZBUoQt68&ab_channel=ChrisVoiceman

    ReplyDelete
  14. No, they are. I knew you self-righteous assholes would come out of the woodwork. You don't concern me. I am only worried about the people I hurt in all of this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So that's why you're deleting comments, right?

      Delete
    2. I haven't deleted a single comment on here.

      Delete
  15. Thank you for your comments. It's a hard process, but I'm getting there slowly.

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  16. Thanks for finally admitting the truth Ace. But there needs to be more. We need to know who you were in contact with at CGL before your falling out and on social media. Who was working with you in your campaign against BLP. I'm not advocating for a witch hunt, but we need transparancy from the other side, an accurate detailing of events and you're our best hope. It will go a long way with mending bridges as you so claim to want.

    I wish I could feel some sympathy for your disconnection from the BattleTech community, but you've helped introduced a growing cancer into the franchise itself. Keep doing the right thing and not doing the bad thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't get it, do you? There was no "inside contact" at CGL that I worked with, there was no conspiracy with anyone else. I had absolutely zero power and influence at CGL, and had nothing to do with Blaine's cancellation. To this day, they will barely speak to me. I'm flattered that you think I'm some power broker or something, but the truth is that I'm just a fan like you, with the same clout as you, and Blaine got himself cancelled with his ridiculous behavior.

      Delete
    2. No one said anything about a conspiracy. We just want to know who were you airing your greviences to about BLP at CGL before you identity was discovered?

      As for BLP ridiculous behavior, we know he's not transphobic, we know he's not racist, and we know he doesn't hate women, so who were the people lying on social media saying he was all those things? Who contacted Topps and lied about those things?

      Those are your circles, so you're the best person to ask.

      Delete
    3. I "aired my grievances" in the same way any other fan would. I wrote emails to the people at Catalyst. You can do the same thing.

      Delete
  17. Cool story, bro. Did your mom write that one for you? What's your angle? Why are you fetishizing Blaine here? I think you might be the one with a problem here. I would get that looked into. I can recommend a good mental health team, if you are interested. If not, keep your petty attempts to minimize me to yourself, troll. Be gone!

    ReplyDelete
  18. All you got is cheap school yard insults? That's the sort of juvinale behaviour I'd expect from someone who is lying about being sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  19. That's all they have. The truth isn't with them. For it to be so, they have to admit they got a man fired for - and this is key - having the same ideology as 70% of the country.

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  20. Blaine does not have the same ideology as 70% of the country. You conservative chuds are on an island.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Tell that to these people.
    https://images.fastcompany.net/image/upload/w_1280,f_jpg,q_auto,fl_lossy/wp-cms/uploads/2020/11/p-1-try-to-impeach-this-original.gif

    ReplyDelete
  22. Congrats. You have a map. Are you claiming 70% by square footage or what?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People in NYC have fuck all telling people in Arkansas how to live. So yeah, land does vote, and democracy is 100% rancid garbage.

      Delete
  23. Faith No More? You mean Faith Never Was :)

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  24. Empty land and animals cannot vote so this map is useless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, you're useless. Go be a simp for liars, terrorists, and commies somewhere else.

      Delete
  25. If 70% of the country are right-wing chuds like Pardoe, Trump would still be President, and not lost by the largest amount of voters for an American President in history.

    ReplyDelete