Thursday, January 7, 2021

     Wow. This has been a really crappy 24-48 hours. Wednesday started out on a good note. After I woke up from a post-work power nap, I got down to writing on a new story idea. I was batting concepts back and forth, had sourcebooks open everywhere, and was starting to get down to business. Then life happened. I had the TV on in the background, and suddenly I start hearing about people storming the capitol, and when I get to the TV I see neo-confederate autocrats rampaging throughout the halls of Congress.

    From there, I spent the next I don't know how many hours glued to the TV and my Twitter feed watching America falling apart before my very eyes. Sophie was at work until 8, and when she got home we watched things together, going through our own rollercoaster of sadness and anger. At some point, I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. Sophie let me sleep for hours, and I think I slept longer and deeper than I have in a very long time.

    But I woke up in a funk. Like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I suppose it comes from seeing things that you've obviously taken for granted for a long time suddenly taken away. I know that I'm super lucky to have had Sophie to help me get through it. I'm not sure where my head would be if not for her to lean on.

    My hope was that getting back to work would be the key to snapping me back to normal. But of course, the times we live in would have none of that, and sadly we lost a covid patient just minutes into my shift. It snapped me back to reality to be sure, but not in a good way. I'm back home now and feeling better, but still not quite right. Sophie has zonked out for the night, but I know I won't get much sleep tonight. Insomnia comes in waves, I was already on one, and events have not made it better. But I still can't bring myself to really put text on the page either. The ideas are there, but the process just seems forced. I think I'll try to find something distracting on TV.

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