Sunday, June 28, 2020






        Fiona knocked on the door of Abner's quarters. It had been almost a week, and Abigail was still giving her the silent treatment. She didn't understand it, and it was frustrating her beyond belief. The daily physical training regimen that Star Commander Joanna had instituted had been the only thing to keep her mind away from the situation.

        Abner opened the door. "Hey kid. What can I do for you?"

        She took a deep breath. "I have a problem I need to discuss with someone."

        He gestured for her to come in and closed the door after. "I assume it's a freeborn problem?"

        She paused and shook her head. "No. Well....maybe...I do not know. Why would you say that?"

        He leaned casually against the wall. "Well, if it was a normal problem, you'd talk to Miss Trueborn about it. You're here talking to me, not her, so I figure it's a freeborn thing."

        She sat down on the edge of the bed. "Neg. It is an Abigail problem."

        He frowned. "Oh. I see. Well, I'll see what I can do without fighting with her again. Fighting hurt. I'd rather not do that again."

        She explained the situation to him in as much detail as she could. He leaned against the wall silently for a few moments, stroking his beard, then cocked his head slightly. "What's the problem? Why does it bother you?"

        She shrugged. "I do not know, it simply does. She is my friend. I am still a stranger in a foreign land in many ways. I just wish I knew what the problem was."

        He walked over and sat beside her on the bed, his elbows on his knees. "Look, kid. I don't know for sure what's wrong, but I can hazard a guess. I'd wager our esteemed Falconer got under her skin, put her to shame for hanging around with dirty freebirths and all that."

        Fiona shook her head in confusion. "It is possible, but why would words from that old hag affect her so?"

        "It probably just has her confused. There's not many trues tolerate freeborns at all. Joanna probably fed her some surat shit about how she can be great and all that but she has to clean up her act. So now she's running scared."

        "Scared? Scared of what?" she furrowed her brow.

        He paused, obviously choosing his words carefully. "Look, you know she sees you differently, right?"

        She shook her head. "No, what do you mean?"

        He raised an eyebrow. "For all intents and purposes, she treats you like you're true. She doesn't look down on you like she does every other freeborn. You weren't raised here in our society, so you don't know how unusual that is. Trues don't just have freeborn friends, it's not the way it works. So she's torn. Does she do the 'right' thing, or does she stick with where her feelings are taking her."

        Fiona chuckled. "It is strange to hear you talk about her having feelings."

        He shrugged in response. "For all their talk, trues aren't any different then us really. Some tweaked genes here and there. Faster and stronger a little. But they're still human, have feelings just like the rest of us. And now she's been called out for feeling she isn't supposed to have."

        "You make it sound like she's some schoolgirl scolded for having a crush."

        He turned his head to face her. "I don't know what you want to call it, but there's something there. I mean, in the time I've been around you guys, you two have always coupled like sibko kids hitting puberty."

        She smacked him playfully on the arm. "So? Coupling is different here than in the Inner Sphere, less inhibited, it is refreshing."

        "Feelings still happen."

        She shook her head. "We are just friends. It just so happens that she is amazingly hot and finds me attractive as well. It is not a big deal"

        He smirked. "Then why is how she's acting bothering you so much?"



        One floor down and a few rooms over, Abigail landed on her back and let her muscles relax and focused on slowing her breathing. She still felt the occasional twitch that came from a good coupling session and noted a few beads of sweat trickling slowly with the rise and fall of her chest.

        Lovvins rolled onto his side beside her, already calm and relaxed. "So, what is the problem you wish to discuss with me?"

        She kept her eyes closed and continued focusing on her breathing. "Perhaps I simply wished to couple."

        He chuckled softly. "Neg. You seek me out for coupling when you have a problem you wish to discuss, but are unsure about raising it in the course of everyday duties. If you simply wished a coupling partner, you would have sought out a mechwarrior somewhere, probably a female. Our freebirth friend, for example."

        She opened her eyes."Well, you are correct, and that is the problem I wish to discuss."

        He blinked. "Something is wrong between you and Fiona?"

        She stared up at the ceiling, looking for patterns in the ferro-crete. "After the exercise incident, I went to see Star Commander Joanna to challenge her on equal footing. It was foolish, but I thought I could gain some measure of lost pride back. She denied the challenge and went on the attack herself. She focused on my interactions with Fiona, each attack getting more perverse and obscene, until finally I attempted to strike her."

        Lovvins raised an eyebrow. "How did that go?"

        "She blocked my blow and told me that I needed to start acting like a trueborn and cast off other diversions. Especially Fiona. That my feelings would be a burden to me that I should release."

        The elemental rolled back onto his back. "Savashri."

        She opened her eyes and rolled over to face him. "What? What is wrong?"

        He sighed deeply. "Please tell me you have not developed some kind of freebirth emotional bond with her."

        Her jaw tightened. "Neg! I mean...I do not know. I cannot say. I...I am just confused right now."

        He sat up and faced her. "Stravag, by the blood of the founders I thought you were more warrior than that, or I would never have placed her in your charge."

        Her nostrils flared. "This has nothing to do with my being a warrior."

        He smacked his hand against the mattress. "It has everything to do with being a warrior. When you are a warrior, your very life is for the clan. Emotional attachments are for the lower castes and freebirths to justify their vile procreation. For warriors,  such attachments are a fatal flaw."

        She cast the sheets aside and climbed out of bed, holding her hand out to stop him from continuing. "Stop! You are treating me as if I were a Sibko brat with a silly crush, or some foolish freebirth woman wrapped up in a vile love story. It is nothing like that."

        He remained in the bed, his gaze following her as she paced angrily. "Then why are you so bothered by all of this? Star Commander Joanna was correct, the clan like thing to do is get rid of extraneous attachments. The logical thing to do would be to comply. Yet you are bothered by it. This serves to confirm that there is some abnormal attachment there."

        She thrust a finger angrily at him. "Neg! There is not." She knew it was a lie. "We are comrades and have become friends. That is all." Even as she said it, her mind rebuked her for the lie. She may have even believed their relationship was merely one of friendship until Joanna had prodded her. In the moment she had tried to lash out at Joanna, her self-delusions had crumbled and she had been forced to admit that there was something more, something she did not understand and that she was simultaneously excited by and fearful of.

        Her reaction had been to push Fiona away to give herself space, but the reality was that the added distance seemed to being with it an even stronger desire. At first it was just Fiona creeping into her thoughts at ever increasing moments. Then she had entered Abigail's dreams on several occasions. It was simultaneously maddening, infuriating, and exhilarating. 

          Lovvins sighed. "It had better be. There is no place among warriors for that sort of frailty. You would be wise to remember that, Abigail."

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