Today's thought...

                     There seems to be a lot of "people only talked to Faith because they were thirsty/horny/etc" going around the community, and that upsets me, mostly because I think a lot more of the wonderful people I've interacted with over the past several years than to reduce them to some kind of simpletons. Have you ever stopped to think that there is an alternative explanation?

                    Maybe people talked to me because I was kind to them. Or because I valued their opinions, raised up their contributions, treated them with dignity and respect, didn't look down on them, had thoughtful back and forth conversations with them, took their thoughts and ideas seriously, valued our shared experiences, and was just all around not a douchebag to them? Have you ever stopped to think that maybe that was the reason? That maybe something like that might actually work? Just a thought.

Private eyes, are watching you!

         I've never been a huge Hall & Oates fan, but I've had the song "Private Eyes" stuck in my head for the last day or so. Why, you might ask? Well let me tell you why. I'm not going to reveal the details, but twice in the last 48 hours I've had tip-offs that a private investigator is snooping into my life. It would be a funny thing if it wasn't so terrifying to actually think about. What is this guy doing, digging through my trash, hacking my private communications, taking really bad pictures of me?

        The fact that he has revealed him or herself, I'm going to chalk up to an attempt to intimidate me. The alternative would be that he or she is just incompetent, which I also would not so quickly discount given the potential suspects for his or her client. It makes you wonder why someone would stoop to this level to try to find dirt on a person. If you're that desperate to find something to pin on someone, you might want to look at yourself first. I don't know who the client is, but I sure hope the private dick enjoys the show, and bills appropriately. 

        In the meantime, here's a link to a clip from Veronica Mars, one of my favorite TV shows. I like to imagine the private dick that's following me is something of a "Vinnie Van Lowe" himself. This makes me smile.

https://youtu.be/0d6mZKDUZT0

No, you don't get to lie and inflate...

 

                I was going to just let things slide, but as Mr. Pardoe has now taken this escapade into a gleeful search for publicity and is playing the victim card when it’s not warranted, I’ve decided to set a few things straight. I do this because a lot of the story you all got told, he got wrong. I don’t know if he just made mistakes, or if he’s lying to try to inflate the support he gets as a “victim” of an “attack.” I cannot say many things because of a protective order that he now has against me, but I can still share a lot of the truth, since he seems so invested in sharing the truth. I’ll start with the protective order itself.

               Mr. Pardoe filed for a temporary protective order based on several communications which were not threats. Mr. Pardoe also sent me a cease-and-desist letter threatening legal action for “defaming” him. At this point in time, I retained a lawyer and through that lawyer we entered into a preliminary agreement whereby I would grant Mr. Pardoe the protective order (as I don’t want to speak to him directly, don’t want to see him, and indeed don’t actually know where he lives) in exchange for him dropping his outlandish legal claims of defamation. After we entered into the first part of this agreement, the granting of the protective order, he backed out and began publicly spreading the fantastical tale that he now has on his blog. In short, he reneged on his word, and I’m stuck with a protective order because of it. Now, let’s get down to the content of his grand exposition.

               Let’s start with the big one: no threat was ever communicated to Mr. Pardoe. He claims to be in fear for his life, but he had to actually hunt for material that even comes close to the definition of threatening. The closest thing he has is a statement made that I wished to shoot him. I wish for a lot of things, they don’t constitute threats. The statement was made, for one, while I was inebriated, and secondly, was not even made to Mr. Pardoe himself. The statement was actually made to a Mr. Craig Reed, who surreptitiously passed the communication on to Mr. Pardoe in a vile breach of confidence. The comment was never intended for Mr. Pardoe’s ears, and as such, was not meant to instill fear in him. At no time did I intend to instill fear in Mr. Pardoe or his family.

               The second closest thing to a “threat” that Mr. Pardoe claims is a video. I linked this video to Mr. Pardoe in the comments of his blog. The video is not a threat, it is an anti-Trump music video that contains some disturbing images. That’s all. A link posted on his blog comments, which he never even allowed to be published. If viewing videos with somewhat violent imagery caused him to fear for his life, I can hardly be faulted for this.

               Those are the closest things he even gets to an actual threat. There were no threats made. He was never threatened in any way. He may have hid in fear, but that is not my problem, nor was it ever my intent.

               Second, he claims that this was part of a campaign to “cancel” him. He makes claims that I tried to have podcasters remove their shows with him. These claims are false, and he has no evidence. None of the podcasters that I contacted and spoke to in regards to Mr. Pardoe can provide any evidence that I asked them to take down his appearances on their shows, as I never communicated a desire for them to do so. Where he got this idea, I have no idea. He is either mistaken or lying. He claims that I tried to get CGL to stop publishing him. This is false. I communicated several times with members of the CGL staff regarding Mr. Pardoe’s egregious political views, but at no time did I try to get any of his publications cancelled. There is no evidence to the contrary. My communications were to inquire as to if there were any way to support Battletech while minimizing any support for Mr. Pardoe and his offensive belief system.

               Third: He claims this insane volume of threatening material that made him cower in fear. I don’t know where he is getting this, as there was very little volume directed at him personally. There were perhaps a dozen comments on his blog over the course of 6 or more months, which he, as the blog administrator, chose not to publish. There were a grand total of maybe 2 or 3 e-mails sent to his publicly listed contact e-mail attempting to reach out an olive branch, which were ignored. The only volume of anti-Pardoe material was either public via Twitter, or directed at third parties, who dutifully reported these things to him as his supplicants. That's it. That's the entirety of this "huge" conspiracy against him.

               Fourth: He brings the identity of someone, “J” into the picture, and gets most of the facts wrong. I have some insight into J and his position, as well as his permission to set things straight here at this time. J is in fact a person with thoughts and feelings just like you or I, but Mr. Pardoe gets most of his details wrong. I do not know if this is the result of shoddy work on the part of the police, who he claims to be working with, of private investigators that he may have hired (and think about that, the man was so sensitive about criticism that he seems to have hired investigators to snoop into the lives of his detractors) or of slipshod research on his own part. So let’s get the facts straight. J does, in fact have a criminal record for "Terroristic Threats" in the commonwealth of Pennsylvania. What is not shown in this, is that the plea agreement into which J entered was for a covid-related mental health episode where J, having lost his job, made statements of suicidal ideation in a performative manner in order to show the people he felt responsible for his plight the depth of his despair. J has sought and received treatment, and is currently a happy and productive member of society. Mr. Pardoe also claims that J “lives in his grandfather’s house”. Both of J’s grandfathers are deceased many years ago, one lying buried in the United Kingdom, and the other buried on the eastern shore of Maryland, nowhere near where J resides.

               I hope this gives you all a little better insight into the facts of things, and that you adjust your view of Mr. Pardoe and his outrageous attempts to play the victim. Do not fall for the lies of his victimhood. Any fear for his life was a result of his own paranoia, not any threats or actions by me or any other person. He will try to milk this for all it’s worth. 

Keep the Faith...

 

                I’m stepping back and going away because that’s the only option for me and my mental health right now. I’d love to stand and fight and battle for the truth, but that’s not a fight that I have the time, money, and mental energy for. Like most things in America, the big guy always wins, not because he’s right, but because he’s bigger. He’s got more money, more privilege, more connections, to the point that fighting a battle would be life-encompassing, and I can’t afford that right now.

               It has been a privilege beyond words to have engaged with many of you in the community. The positivity far outweighed the negative, up until now, obviously. I have engaged with many of you in wonderful, creative, and authentic ways, and nothing can take away the content of those moments that I’ve shared with all of you. Never forget that you are the Battletech community, not one man, but all of you. I have faith that you, as a community, will come together and outlast any rot or cancer that threatens to drag the community down into darkness. Take this entire ordeal and learn from it. Some people may believe that they have unmasked some dark secret, but there has been another unmasking that has gone along with it, the unmasking of the character of certain individuals and the lengths to which they will go to destroy others and maintain their privilege. Don’t let that narrative win. Be bold, be creative, be diverse, and raise the community up to the height that it deserves.

               My fight is over. I have done what I can to make the Battletech community a greater, healthier, more wonderful and diverse place. I can fight this battle no more. It is my fervent hope that each and every one of you will resolve to fight just a little bit to make the community what you want it to be. Create content, network, spread the word, raise each other up! My part has come and gone. I wish nothing but the best for the next person that takes up the torch. I hope they go on to greatness. And maybe that someone is you, you never know. Until then, keep the faith.

Statement

     I know people will be wanting a statement from me, but as this has now entered the legal realm and involves people other than myself, there is nothing that I can say at the present time.

Musings going forward...

     So, with no fanfic coming out, what do I put here anymore? This has always been my writing place, so I think I'll keep it that way, with a few outliers thrown in for good fun.

    I think I'm actually writing more now than I ever did before, it's just a lot more focused and a lot less off-the-cuff. Having gone through the ringer and all of getting something actually published, I'm finding that it changes my viewpoint on so many things. I talked before about writing in an owned universe, but that is just the tip of the spear.

    The way I read has even changed. I eat up the non-fiction stuff with an eye for what would make a great story to explore in more depth. My mind goes off in so many different directions now. Sure, I want to know what's happening as much as the next person, but every entry, every little quip, they all touch off a firestorm of possibilities. 

    And it's tremendously different writing as a 'fan' and writing as someone who wants to write for publication. In a lot of ways, the stories and ideas are less personal, because you're fitting them into an already existing puzzle. But in other ways, there is a real connection, you're drilling down into a character's head, trying to understand them, trying to get to know them, and then placing them into the story or problem that you've just come up with.

    You start to look at other people's stories and how they project them in a whole different light. It's a little like watching a stage production. You normally just sit back and watch the show. But then imagine watching the show from the rafters. You're still seeing the same show, but the vantage point is so much different. You see how things are being done, you see the moving pieces all interacting, and you see the audience as well.  It gives you a whole new understanding of the stage hands and the production crew. You're seeing the story unfold from a myriad of different angles all at once, and it's absolutely fascinating.

    And as you might expect, it gives you a completely different view on how the world exists and is managed. When you get a peek at the machinery working, it's an amazing thing that makes you take account of yourself and all the notions that you've had about how things work. And it's cool! I imagine it's like this for any number of things, but it never loses the shine when you see something with the eyes of a child for the first time.

    Speaking of children, yes, it's official that Sophie and I are expecting twins this November. I'm finding the way that I look at even simple things in life is changing as my brain is wrapping itself around the concept of being a mother. It's weird, and crazy, and wonderful all at once! I always figured I would be terrified if a moment like this ever came, and to be sure, there are plenty of nerves and worries. But there are so many more things that make me smile and make me realize how lucky I am to have found my place in life and the world. I hope this feeling never goes away.

AMA Takeaway: Writing in an Owned Universe

                     Catalyst Game Labs had another in their AMA series on YouTube on Saturday, and this week's topic was "Writing for Battletech". Obviously, it's a topic that means a lot to me, and I was lucky enough to have the day off, so I plopped myself down in front of my keyboard, locked the liquor cabinet to avoid any temptation to talk about Clan Smoke Jaguar, and settled in to see what I could learn.

                    A lot of the information was stuff that I stumbled upon myself over the last few months in my journey towards getting my first piece published in Shrapnel. There was the usual mix of people wanting to write about the secret history of the Wolverines, the truth behind the pleasure barges of Stefan Amaris, and people wanting to know the best way to get their 200k word novel about Julien Tiepolo's long-lost third cousin published.

                    But through all of that, one consistent, and incredibly important concept kept coming to the front. The biggest thing to understand getting your BattleTech writing published is fundamentally understanding what it means to write in an owned universe. Too many people, it seems, struggle to differentiate between playing in and owned universe, and writing in one. 

                    The Battletech universe doesn't "belong" to you, me, or anyone other than the legal owners of the IP. We can play in it and have as much fun in it as we want (within legal boundaries), and that's what makes it great. But it's not ours to change, rewrite, fix, or destroy.

                    Now, that's not to say that you can't do any whacky old thing that you want in your local gaming group. Want to refight the Battle of Tukayyid? Sure! There's a million resources for doing that, and you'll have a blast doing it. Want to have Clan Golaith Scorpion fighting against the time-traveling descendants of Stefan Amaris over the deed and title to a newly reinvigorated Canopian Pleasure Circus? Have at it!

                    But if what you want to do is write for and in the actual Battletech Universe? Guess what, you have to actually write within the universe. This is a great IP with a rich history and a depth of detail that few other properties can match. And that is what is so amazing about it. That is the thing that has drawn me in and kept me coming back for more, year after year, and accepting that part is the biggest step towards actually deciding to sit down and write in that universe.

                    Look at it this way. It's your birthday, and you've just unwrapped your present. It's a hand-crafted action figure of Sir Awesomesauce the Knight. He's the coolest, most badass action figure around, nobody else has one like him, and you can't wait to show everyone else how cool your freaking Sir Awesomesauce is! So you go down to the playground, and head straight for the giant sandbox. It's the coolest sandbox around. It's the sandbox where all the coolest kids play and they have such awesome adventures, you watch them every day and it's so amazing. There are giant Sandcastles as big as you are, huge sculpted mountains, rivers, bridges, forests. You can play around in it for hours every day and only see a fraction of the whole sandbox.

                    The problem is that what most people imagine it means to write in the BattleTech universe is like going into that sandbox and bulldozing the biggest castle in the middle because you think you can build a better one. Or taking that small village where little action figures farm over in the corner and building a mighty fortress over it where your Sir Awesomesauce sets up his realm and rules all of Badasslandia under his grip of awesomeness!

                    But that's NOT what writing in BattleTech, or any other owned universe is like. What writing in those universes is really like is taking Sir Awesomesauce over to the giant castle in the middle where all the cool kids are having huge battles right now, and realizing that nobody ever paid attention to that little spot over at the southwest battlement, and realizing that the moat there is just shallow enough that Sir Awesomesauce can wade across and sneak into the castle through a secret passage in the back. And once he breaks in the back, he discovers a secret document that's hidden there far away from the pile of gold and treasure that everyone is fighting over. And with this secret document, he sneaks out and over to that little farming village in the corner and saves them all from disaster with the wisdom it contains, ensuring that they get to farm for another season, while Sir Awesomesauce straps on his sword and stalks back off to the huge fight at the castle.

                    You haven't destroyed the sandbox, or rebuilt it, you explored it, you found the little hideaways and forgotten parts of it, and you did the awesome things in that sandbox that only your very own hand-crafted Sir Awesomesauce could do. And you know what? That's freaking awesome! It's the best feeling in the world, and you can go home that night, put Sir Awesomesauce on your nightstand and dream about what he's going to do tomorrow.