I Feel As Though I Should Write...

                     I feel as though I should write. There are so many little stories inside me left to be told and yet I am loathe to let them out. Or, if, we're being honest, I feel like I no longer know how to. The mental and emotional tornado that I have come to label 'Blainegate' has passed, but the landscape is no longer the same one I once traversed and took such pleasure from.

                    Now I find myself looking at the world in a different way, with stories and characters springing to life. I want to write. I need to write. But at the same time, writing has been so drastically changed in my world that I'm not sure how to even begin approaching it anymore. The things I once found to be the best springboards are now hopelessly torn and upended.

                    The community where I could once upon a time would have gone and played now hates me and taunts me like a lost love. Make no mistake, there are a few core friends who have stayed with me, and I can never thank them enough. But the vast majority seems to have moved on to the view that I am some malady best left to wither away without a second's pause of reflection, I don't know if I'm ready to walk down the path of determining which relationships rang true and which ones false, but I find them surrounding me to a point that I can't ignore them if I want to move on to some healthy form of writing again.

                    I want to write so badly, but any picking up of the pen and paper is fraught with such emotional landmines that I can't seem to get anywhere. I want to write but every time I think about it, I am immediately reminded of all of the things I've done wrong, and I don't see any safe place for me to step out upon. Even now, I struggle to paint a picture of how I feel.