Forging Freyja - Sassy Valkyrie Interlude

   

Authors note: I first got the idea for the sassy Valkyrie interlude a while back, and used it in one of my Faith stories, and I've been itching to write another one since. I like taking the idea of a near death experience and flipping it on it's head. What if, instead of all somber and serious, we had a near death experience where there was a sassy sarcastic Valkryie giving us the business? As always, I leave it up to the reader to decide, is this just a product of our girl's imagination, or are there really Valkyries out there taking fallen warriors to Valhalla, albeit with a sassy and sarcastic twist? I know it might not be for everyone, but I really hope you enjoy.








     Freyja didn't really wake up, so much as she became aware of her own consciousness slowly. She found herself walking through a dimly lit stone corridor, the cold of the stone floor pressing against her bare feet with each step. She was wearing a flowing white dress, and continued walking forward for what seemed like ages. Finally a voice snapped her to focus. Against the wall ahead of her, a strikingly beautiful woman leaned against the wall, dressed to perfection in snug fitting jeans, silver heels, and a blouse that had an almost metallic shimmer to it as the light caught it. Her face seemed somehow perfectly made up, yet devoid of makeup at the same time in some impossible way.

     "You McCarron girls are a bitch, let me tell you," she frowned.

     Freyja stopped and stared at the woman. Her mind was racing, there was too much to process. She had just been running for her life, then she remembered cold, and now this. Nothing made sense.

     The woman put her hands on her hips. "Yeah, I know, you're confused, yada yada. I wish just once in my life I would get a call where the girl had a grasp of what was going on. But, I guess it's an imperfect world. Sucks to be ethereal I guess."

     Freyja shook her head. "Wait, you're saying you're some kind of angel? Am I supposed to be dead or something?"

     The woman rolled her eyes and walked over to where Freyja stood. "Hmm, really girl? You're a warrior, you're blonde, you have bone structure to die for, and you're freaking named Freyja. You're more archetypal than I am, and I'm the real deal. I know you just got done drowning, but put it all together and work it out."

     Freyja closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again, as if the scene would somehow change. "Okay so you're saying you're some kind of Valkyrie. That still leaves my question. Am I dead? You said I just drowned."

     The woman sighed disapprovingly at her. "Sister, you did more than drown. You fucked this one up big time. I know the women in your family are a pain in the ass, but you are taking the cake here. Normally I get to go haul your dead ass off a battlefield or something and give you the whole 'befitting a warrior' treatment, but you haven't even really become a warrior yet and you certainly don't know how to make an entrance. I guess you more than just look a hell of a lot like Faith, you've got her ability to fuck up a timeline too."

     "Wait, you're talking about my great-grandmother? I just saw her in a holo the other day, this is just all a figment of my imagination. You need to go away. I don't know what this mess is, but I'm done," she said defiantly.

     "Yeah, she didn't believe me either the first time I met her. It's ok. Even if this is just a fucked up product of your brain and a lack of oxygen, you're still not getting out of this. You woke my ass up out of bed this morning, way earlier than you should have, and we're going to work this out."

     "Work what out?" Freyja asked.

     "Come here, you're young and stupid, I see i have to walk you through your fuck up before you get the idea. Let's go." She reached out and took Freyja's hand, and suddenly, they were standing in the snow on a riverbank. They should both be frigid, but neither showed any signs of feeling the cold. It was dark, it was clearly nighttime, and the wind was blowing a few flakes of snow through the air as the river passed by. "Here we are, the scene of the crime."

     It was then that Freyja realized where they were standing. They were in the capital city on Lummatii, the river was the one that ran past the docks she had just been running through. Then she spotted two figures in the snow just where the water ended. One was laying on the ground and the other kneeling beside the first. "What the hell is this?"

     The woman patted her on the back. "This is your doing, sister. Come on." She pulled Freyja gently by the hand, then more firmly when she did not at first move along. "The banks of the river in the middle of winter on some cold ass rock out in the Periphery. At least Faith had the good sense to pick better spots, I'll give her that."

     She led Freyja over to the two figures, who lay as if time were frozen. As she got closer, she didn't need any explanation. She knew who the figures were, or were supposed to be. Nonetheless, the woman led her over until they stood beside the pair. She saw her own body, appearing lifeless, soaked and frail laying on the ground. Her eyes were closed and her lips were blue. Gunnar Logan hunched over her, his face awash with a mixture of despair and frustration.

     Freyja turned to the mysterious woman. "I don't understand. What is this. He was trying to kill me. Why would he bother dragging me out of the river?"

     The other woman cocked her head. "And here we've reached the point of the fuck up. You see, your crazy ass jumped to conclusions, probably because you've been bounced around and battered this last little bit. Hard to judge which way is up sometimes. But you judged him wrong. He was trying to save your ass the whole time. Even after you bashed him over the head and ran off. He dove his cute little ass into the river to haul you out because he didn't want you to die of your own stupidity."

     Freyja shook her head frantically. "No, no that's not what happened. He was trying to kill me. He and that crooked warden were in league, he was buying me off him."

     The woman gave her a look of disbelief. "You really are dense, aren't you? No, the silly boy was trying to buy you back because your ass fell for some cheap smash and grab and almost got killed that way. And then you banged him over the head, and he still ran after you. He didn't try to shoot you, he tried to help you. And when you fell into the river, he dove that gorgeous body of his into the icy cold water to drag your ass out because he didn't want you to die. As we speak right now, he's beating on your chest trying to get the water out in the desperate hope that you'll somehow come back to life. Don't kid yourself, he wouldn't go to that much trouble if you were just a piece of ass. You ain't that good a piece of ass, sister."

     Freyja started to cry. "No, no this cant be."

     The woman rolled her eyes yet again. "Well yes, it can be. And it is, unless you get your sorry ass in gear and get back to him. I'm not supposed to be hauling your ass off a battlefield for....well...I'm not really allowed to say that. But suffice it to say, it wasn't supposed to be today. You need to get right with your life. You've got a gorgeous chunk of man candy that cares about you and has half a brain, a world about to be looted by pirates, and a nasty-ass pirate douche who had the gall to stick his little pirate bits where they didn't belong to go kill. Or, you could just go to sleep and let it all end here. Your call. But make up your mind, because my pizza is getting cold back at the longhouse."